I’ve been meaning to sit down and write this post for a few days now, a post that would boil down to a very simple and excited statement that announces: Ace and I are engaged! (Joy joy JOY!)
But walking hand in hand with this very simple statement is something so much larger…something more than thought, more than emotion, something completely overwhelming and intangible and so incredibly important. Something that really cannot be fully conveyed in writing, and that I’ve been afraid to touch for fear of doing it a grave injustice. (For better or for worse, here we go! (Har har, see what I did there?))
The story of the last few weeks deserves to be told, as it’s been a crazy period of time that I wish to have a record of for the future…and it will be told. But here, I want to focus on one very small part.
It was after Ace had asked the question, after I had answered through sobs and laughter, after the celebratory hot air balloon ride he took me on over San Diego. We returned to his grandparents’ beach house where we’d been staying, and all of our families had surprised us (well, surprised me, Ace knew what was happening all along, ha) with a crazy party full of shouting, laughing, champagne, tacos, and too many hugs to count. It was one of the best nights of my life! We prayed, I cried, we toasted, and everyone wanted to see the gorgeous ring that Ace had picked for me.
And sitting around the two tables (because all our family members couldn’t fit around one), I remember looking around at everyone and feeling overwhelmed at how much I loved every person who was there. It was positively dizzying how much love was welling inside of me, like it was pouring out of every orifice and pulsing, radiating: too large and too warm and too powerful to be kept in one tiny, fragile shell of a body.
That moment must have been, I think, a taste of what it feels like to be in the presence of God.*
My love, soon to be my life; the family I have and the one I’m gaining; the dearest friends I hold so close in my heart; and the creator of us all whose delight I feel so profoundly in this time; these moments are very, very good. Thank you for sharing them with me. I can’t believe I get to live this life.
*And one more spiritual takeaway: really, the spiritual implications of celebration, of absolute joy between family and community, of the active movement of the trinity’s third member…well, we were in the presence of a God who delights in love and laughter and life.
And isn’t it interesting that ha, ha, hallelujah sounds like laughing?